No Mother Forgotten

With Mother’s Day approaching very soon, I would like to share with you something that I ask you think about and try to find it in your heart to be compassionate, understanding and non-judgmental of mothers who have either given their child or children up for adoption or had them removed.

No matter the reason, whether it is voluntary or not, if you find yourself giving up a child for adoption or having a child removed from your care for whatever reason at that moment in your life, you are a mother and a mother not forgotten.

Perhaps you never touched this child’s hand or held him or her in your arms. Maybe you did for just a while and now they are gone. Maybe you were afraid, but the reality of the uncontrollable circumstances at that time had an enormous impact on what to do and choices that were made. Don’t listen to opinions or criticisms.  Maybe it was your decision.  Maybe it wasn’t.

If you felt your child had a better chance in this world under different circumstances, giving a child up for adoption is the most selfless act you could do and the decision was made with love.

Did you get to pick the family and be involved with the process? Or was it an involuntary event that you never will know who has adopted your child?  I am not making excuses or glamorizing what catastrophic events could possibly have occurred leading to this final outcome.

I am a mother who has adopted and this is where my message reaches out to you.  If your mind ever wonders what thoughts and feelings go through the adopted mom’s mind?  Well, here are mine.

Before I actually went through the legalities of adopting, there was a time I fostered.  I remember so vividly when I found myself sitting in a rocking chair, in a hospital room of a very sickly, innocent child.  I hadn’t slept.  I hadn’t been home but for a few hours over the course of days.  I was trying to take care of my family and work a few hours here and there in between it all.  That was a defining moment in my life and I wept.  Out loud, I said, “Where is this child’s mother?”  I was angry at her biological mom.  After all, here was this child who went through sickness and ultimately surgery.  It was at that moment, I realized I was there.  I was her mom.  This baby that I had been up with through so many sleepless nights and illnesses, knew only one security in the world at that point and it was me and my family.

Since that time, I’ve looked beyond the surface information and circumstances and grew to understand how sometimes conditions trap people and they don’t know how to get out.  Even with some of the best help and family support, they still can’t quite get away from this trap, but their children do.  Their children are given up for adoption or possibly removed from the home.  I’ve put much thought and prayer into this and I have no doubt not a day goes by that the decision isn’t run through that natural mother’s mind time and time again.

Adoption is an incredibly difficult decision, but it is a decision made on a personal, individual basis.

A natural mother carries the child in the womb and the adoptive mother has an understanding of the situation and has compassion for the tough choices that have been made.

Over the last couple years, my child has grown.  She has learned to walk and talk and play and gets plenty of love.  I get those big squeeze hugs from her in her feet pajamas and the coloring pictures that say, “To Mommy – I love you.”  I get every laugh, tear and everything in between.

I will be there for all her memories and growing pains, too.  I will pass out the hugs and kisses and provide her with structure and stability.

My mind strays from time-to-time and I wonder, “Does her biological mom wonder?”  You probably don’t know I think of her and I pray for her circumstances and want her to not worry.

I think of all women who have had to make a decision like this and want you to know, adoptive moms do understand.  Situations happen.  None of us are here to judge.  No matter the background, the age and under many different scenarios, it happens.

Therefore, I declare in the month of May that all moms should be honored and I assure you, you have not been forgotten.

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