THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY OF BEING OVERLY COMPETITIVE

I’ll admit it: I’ve always had a competitive streak.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve played to win.  I’ve always been driven to do my best.  For better or worse, it’s something that’s worked its way into almost every area of my life.

I’ve written before how much I liked playing softball when I was a kid.  I even played in an adult league when I came home from college every summer.  My wife, Brenda, and I were still dating in those days, and I would call every few days just to check in.  Brenda swears that she knew within the first minute of our conversation if I had won or lost my latest ball game.  Apparently I was pretty cranky if my team lost!

Throughout my college years I struggled to keep my competitiveness in check.  Even the simplest card game could turn into a cage match if I wasn’t careful.  Brenda could tell many stories, I’m sure.  But I began noticing a real change in my way of thinking and my behavior when I had kids of my own.  Kids love to play games.  But I wasn’t the kid anymore.  No, I was supposed to be the grown up.  I was supposed to be the one setting a good example for my kids to follow.  So I had to learn how to play for fun instead of always playing to win.  I even found myself losing intentionally so I could pique their interest and keep them playing.  That wasn’t an easy adjustment for a win-at-all-costs player like me!

I like to think I’ve done a lot of growing in my 55 years on this planet.  I like to think I’ve become a better winner and a better loser.  But, believe me, the struggle is still very real.

Every time we have a family gathering we play a board game that’s called “Settlers of Catan.”  The game is set in the 1700s.  The object is to build as many roads, villages and cities as you can using the resources that are available.  There’s a lot of bartering involved–and that’s where things start to get ugly.  It seems that everybody enjoys teaming up against me and having a little fun at my expense.  So what happens when I innocently ask, “Does anyone have any brick?”  I get the silent treatment.  I know they’ve got brick in their hands.  I know it!  I saw them drawing brick cards with my own eyes, for Pete’s sake!  But they say nothing, hoping to gain an advantage by keeping me from getting the resources I need.  It’s so exasperating!  My nephew, Bryan, says that he knows their strategy if working when he sees the veins popping out in my neck.  Unfortunately, that’s probably true.

It’s safe to say that I’ve come a long way.  Competition has its place, but playing games should also be a way of promoting friendship, team building and critical thinking.  Playing games should also be a source of enjoyment, not drudgery.  Those are a few of the things I’ve learned through the years.  But, in all honesty, I still have a long way to go.  I still haven’t passed the “vein” test.  When I can play a game of Catan without my neck veins giving away how aggravated I really am, I’ll know I’ve truly arrived…

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