UGH! I’M SINGLE AND MIDDLE-AGED!
In this day and age, living in a small community presents an area some of us find ourselves unfamiliar with – including myself. Especially if you’re a divorced, middle-aged mother of two sons. Finding a significant other is not an easy adventure.
So where do you begin? The grocery stores? The malls? Sporting events? Bars or clubs? None of these areas seemed like promising places to me. For starters, most men I’ve run across at any of these locations were married, someone I already knew or who were just not appealing to me. And when you live in a smaller community, it’s a very limited field. Everyone knows everyone and the people you do know are married, involved or simply unavailable in one way or another.
The dating scene is not what it used to be when I was growing up. But then again, not much is the same. We now have social media and within that lies the “online dating” sites. When these became the rage, there were always laughs among friends and family. But, with not many other options to choose from, I figured why not! I did some research and with some common sense, I developed my set of rules and boundaries for my own safety.
There are dozens upon dozens of sites out there for anything from friendships, hook-ups, casual dating, to long-term relationships. The worst part is, you aren’t really sure what you’re getting into until you get on one of the sites for a little while. But here are the basics on how it works. You join the site (many are free with limited access to certain areas on their sites), give yourself a profile photo and write a short essay about why you would be the ultimate catch for someone. It’s kind of like “selling yourself”-- like a car dealer would do to sell a vehicle! Once you post your information and fill out the site’s personality trait questionnaire, the site starts giving you people who may be your match and then you start getting contacted by everyone and their brother. It’s like a free for all! And I quickly came to the conclusion that most men did not read my profile, but rather just looked through my pictures. Most of the guys’ profiles I looked through had the basic essay that every woman wants to hear and what they are looking for in a man. Rarely, did I run across a profile that actually seemed genuine and potentially worthwhile.
The sites provide a sort of chat area for you to contact and be contacted through, so you do this little dance of questioning each other for a while. Getting to know each other with questions through “text” was a very easy way to start weeding through who is of interest. Most men, at least for me, would eventually show some true colors just in things they wrote. If things seemed to be going decently, then I would eventually exchange a phone number. At this point, I would talk on the phone numerous times. This usually told me a lot about the person. Were they shy? Did they get offended easily? Did they provoked easily? Did they seem like a doormat? Etc., etc., etc. If this step went well, a face-to-face was next in order. This is where the real test came. Did they truly look like their picture? Oh boy could I tell some stories!!!! I guess I just never understood why anyone would falsify that area of their profile if they truly had any intention of personally meeting someone.
When I agreed to meet someone in person, I always chose a place that was full of people and familiar to me. I drove myself and met them at the location. Because let me tell you, from personal experience, there are some “different” people out there for those who may be naïve and oblivious. I ran across some…for lack of a better word…weirdos. But if the man seemed semi-normal, was someone I had things in common with and he struck my interest somewhat, I would agree to a second date. After the second date, again, if things were moving along smoothly, a third date would come. Unfortunately, I had this third date rule in place. If I did not feel any type of connection or true interest with the gentleman, then I was done. I wouldn’t waste any more of his time or mine.
So, needless to say after many months on a few different sites, I was more than discouraged. I mean seriously! Come on! There’s not one guy out there with whom I could get past a third date? What was wrong with me? Was I being too critical? Too harsh? Too picky? What was my problem? But reluctantly, with the encouragement of a co-worker (who I will not identify, but you know who you are – LOL), I joined a site I had not heard about. I truly did not have any hopes or expectations of meeting “the one.” I had only been on the site for about a week when I was contacted by this man. His profile seemed genuine, not like the basic ones. He had one picture of himself, not many with his shirt off puffing up his muscles. He simply said that he enjoyed reading my profile and then proceeded with commenting on things my profile contained. This was huge! He ACTUALLY read through my story. I thought, “Hum. Ok. This guy might be worth something. He’s a good looking guy. He likes the country and being outdoors. He loves sports. He has sons. He has a respectable job. Why not?” So, we went through the tedious nonsense of texting, talking and then meeting for a date. Needless to say….he was more than I expected and more importantly, we’ve made it past my third date rule!
For all of you middle-aged, single parents out there in our community, don’t give up! The online dating may not be for you because I never thought it was for me. But I’m very happy that I found the person I did and if it hadn’t been for that particular site, I might still be single.
