Is It Possible To Live A Life With No Regrets?
I came across an article in one of my online news feeds recently which set forth a list of life regrets that you don’t want to have when you are facing the end of life. Some of them spoke to me. Others, like not traveling enough or not pursuing your dream job, did not. Traveling is OK and I do enjoy seeing new places, but I tend to like being just where I am, in good old Wheeling, W.Va. And I guess I’m a little too practical to pursue a dream job when there are bills to pay. That said, the other “regrets” identified really caused me to pause and think, and I wanted to see what others had to say. After reading quite a few online articles on life regrets, I saw the following “regrets” mentioned over and over again and a theme started to became apparent. See if you can identify it.
Regret: Losing yourself to make others happy. This is a big one. We all want our friends and loved ones to be happy. Many of us will do whatever we think it takes to make them happy. When your life is focused on doing what everyone else wants you to do or thinks you should do, you eventually begin to lose yourself and your own happiness. Of course, if you take the risk and stop focusing on making others happy, the others will definitely not be happy at first. However, a harsh reality, though, is that everyone is responsible for their own happiness. If you lose yourself and your happiness trying to make someone else happy, no one is happy in the end.
Regret: I didn’t express my feelings or didn’t express them soon enough. Did you ever just feel a connection to someone, something different than what you ordinarily experience? Was there ever that one person who it’s just easy to be with? This is definitely a high-risk, high reward situation. You risk embarrassment, rejection and maybe the loss of a good friend if you express your feelings. But what if the feelings are mutual? Then, the possibilities are endless. A corollary to this is not waiting too long to express your feelings because you don’t think circumstances are right or you are waiting for the “perfect” time. There is no perfect time and waiting too long may result in the loss of an opportunity for something great if your “other” has moved in a different direction in the interim.
Regret: I stayed in an unhappy relationship. Every article mentioned, in some form or another, the regret of staying in a painful or loveless relationship out of the fear of change, loneliness and hurting those closest to you, including your children. Whether you are talking about a romantic relationship or not, the consensus was the same: leaving the relationship resulted in everyone being much happier in the long run even though the initial transition period was extremely difficult.
Regret: Living the life others saw for me instead of the one I wanted to live. It’s a fact of life that expectations are placed on us throughout our life by parents, family, friends, loved one, teachers and colleagues. Many times, what is expected doesn’t necessarily correspond with what we want or what is best for us. Nevertheless, we continue to do what is expected because we don’t want to disappoint the person or persons who placed the expectation on us. Yes, going against expectations is extremely difficult and scary. However, in the end you only have one life to live and you should live the life you want and not the one others want you to live.
Regret: Worrying too much about what others thought of me. One thing we can’t control in life is someone else’s thoughts and feelings. The main thing is to be true to yourself. If you let the fear of disappointing or hurting someone else control how you live your life, you may never get to live the life that will make you happy and fulfilled. Sometimes standing up for what you believe in will turn others away, but in the end there is one person in this world that you cannot live without and that is you. People who don’t know you may have harsh words at first, but they will quickly forget. People who do know and love you may not be happy at first, but, in the end, will always want what is best for you. If you have the courage to stay true to yourself, everything else will work itself out even if it doesn’t look like it in the short term.
Regret: Not trusting that voice in the back of my head more. We all have it. Whether we call it our heart (like I do), our intuition or the little voice in the back of my head, there are things we just know. More often than not, we can’t explain how or why we know this, but we just know. Also, more often than not, what that little voice is telling us to do isn’t what our head or others say we should do. So far in my life, my biggest regrets have come when I followed what my head or others said I should do and didn’t listen to my heart.
Have you seen the theme yet? It is being true to yourself even if that means someone else may be unhappy in the short term. It’s a lesson I wished I learned long ago. Although you can’t change the past, it is never too late to move out of your comfort zone and start taking the risks that may lead you to a life you’ve only dreamed of having and never thought possible. Remember that catch phrase Robin William’s character in Dead Poets Society made popular? Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Tomorrow is not promised.
