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May 6th, 2016
Over the years, I have shared with you the experiences I have had with my family, particularly with my children. This subject is so easy for me to talk about because they mean absolutely everything to me.
I have joked about their antics, bragged about their accomplishments, been open about the struggles of balancing work and family and have been candid about the most intimate thoughts I have had on adoption and its challenges that come with it. You name it, and I have talked about it.
Mother’s Day is right around the corner and usually my day is very fulfilling, but this year, I find myself a bit down. Nothing has changed, but soon will and that is the source of my uneasiness.
In the very near future, my son will be leaving for college. I began feeling the tightening in my chest about a year and a half ago and now the time has come. In a matter of weeks, he graduates from high school and off he will go.
Realistically, I know he will come home and visit. I know many things will remain the same. But as a mother, I am saddened because I don’t want him to go away. I will miss him terribly. He, on the other hand, can’t wait to have this experience.
I wonder if he will come home for the next Mother’s Day or if this is it? I understand it’s his time to experience the world and grow. It’s his time to see the world as an adult and not from behind the doors of our home on Pinewood Drive.
So, this Mother’s Day, I don’t want any of it to be about me. I want it to be all about them.
My daughters are still at home and will be for some time to come. Mother’s Day comes easy for them. We’re girls. They know what I like and why I like it. I know they will make me breakfast in bed and design special cards. They will always make sure I get some rest, get to shop, go out to eat or whatever I choose. They are so thoughtful and know all the things that make me smile.
It has always been different with my son. Our bonding was usually over something like a game of one-on-one basketball, something he knew I had no chance at. Or he would golf and let me drive the cart. Sometimes it would be watching a movie, even if it was about football or some episode of his latest series he was into on On-Demand. He didn’t correct me if I blurted out a dumb comment from lack of knowledge in the area. He included me in his life. I knew it frustrated him to no end watching me try to even do some of these things with him. These things that were outside of my normal day-to-day activities, but he let me join in on anyway because it was his way of showing me he cared.
One of the hardest things I have to do is let him go and be his own person to do all things that he is excited about and he wants to do.
This Mother’s Day has a touch of sadness for me because I know he’s leaving soon. I have had him for 18 years, keeping him safe. I have given him a loving home. I have taught him the importance of God and family. I’ve instilled in him values of understanding and kindness and set the best example I knew how. I apologized for mistakes I made along the way and taught him to do the same. So, now I guess it’s time to set him free. Free to fly in this world.
Son, take my love with you and look back on those games when you made time for me to be a part of your world. Know how special you always made Mother’s Day for me.
